


A Necessary Evil

by Lady_Stardust7



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Awkwardness, Gen, The Talk, grandpastiltskin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 04:32:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11913267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Stardust7/pseuds/Lady_Stardust7
Summary: Henry comes to Rumple for relationship advice, leading Rumple to wonder exactly what else his grandson needs to know. In other words, it's a "Rumple gives Henry The Talk" fic, featuring very, very awkward situations.





	A Necessary Evil

**Author's Note:**

> 2 works in a week! I banged this out in a day and had a lot of fun writing it, hope you enjoy!!

If Rumple was being completely honest, having Henry as is apprentice was a complete nuisance for the shop. Whatever job he gave Henry, regardless of how simple, was completely fruitless. He couldn’t clean for the life of him, and despite being told not to touch anything Rumple repeatedly found him nosing around everything he could lay his hands on. Whilst this was the case, Rumple always found himself watching the clock, looking forward to when Henry would finish school. He cherished the time he spent with his grandson, feeling grateful that he was able to watch him grow up.

This was particularly the case because this was the age that he missed out on with Bae. Henry was making the transition from a boy into a young man, and what a smart young lad he was becoming along the way. This growth had become particularly apparent to Rumple when he had walked into the room and caught Henry trying to flex his abs in the mirror, or picking up heavy antiques in an attempt to use them as weights. Each time this happened, he would exit the room before Henry spotted him, walking in much louder to give Henry time to compose himself.

The reason he was so sympathetic was because he remembered going through this often-embarrassing stage when he himself was a boy. He had tried to keep up with all of the other boys his age, who were suddenly growing broader shoulders and biceps, turning the heads of all the girls who also suddenly seemed a lot more attractive. He watched from afar, a head shorter than the rest of them and with a lot less stubble. Once particular time sprang to mind when he tried lifting a crate three times his weight in an attempt to impress a girl he fancied, Chirita. This pitiful tale ended with the crate falling on his foot and a crowd of his peers gathering around to laugh, including Chirita. His aunts had eventually spotted the commotion and helped him out, and the moment they got back to their hovel he let out all of the tears he’d been holding in. They’d given him a big talk that night about how he shouldn’t compare himself to other boys – he had his own talents. Somehow, it hadn’t made him feel better.

Today had been much the same, as far as afternoons with Henry went. He had asked Henry to clean the windows but they didn’t look much different. Henry did seem strangely subdued today, come to think of it. He wasn’t his normal chatty self, and his mind seemed somewhere else entirely.

“Something the matter, my boy?” asked Rumple, when Henry walked up to the counter and put down the window cleaner, looking for another job.

“No,” he replied.

Silence.

“Yes,” he corrected. “Grandpa, can I ask you something?”

Rumple felt his heart jump. In his experience, that question never went smoothly. _Can I ask you something? Why do you have that limp? How many women have you slept with? Can you lower my rent?_ He swallowed.

“Of course.”

“How did…” began Henry, suddenly interested in his hands. “How did you and Belle stop being… just friends?”

Rumple raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Well, it’s complicated, and involved many years being apart,” he explained. “It took me a while to embrace the feelings I had for her, despite her efforts to break down that barrier when we were in the enchanted forest.”

There was another silence.

“And how did you… you know, _act_ on it?” he asked, timidly. Rumple’s brow furrowed slightly, trying to work out what exactly Henry wanted to know. Suddenly, it dawned on him.

“Are you asking for advice with Violet?” he said, tactlessly. Henry’s face heated and he looked away immediately.

“Maybe,” he muttered. Rumple studied him, wondering why he had come to him with this problem. The longer the silence went on, however, the further Henry seemed to shrink in his skin.

“How far have things gone with her, if you don’t mind me asking?” said Rumple, thinking that this might be a good place to start. “Have you tried making a move on her? Do you know if she likes you back?”

“Well… I held her hand a few days back, and she didn’t pull back. But she acted like she didn’t even notice. I just don’t really know what to do next. I want to kiss her, but I don’t know if she’d like me to do that.”

He quickly pulled out his phone out underneath the counter and texted Belle: _Come to shop. Now._ This was about to get very awkward and Belle was a lot better at talking about feelings than he was. He put his phone away again and cleared his throat.

“Have you tried speaking to your mothers about this?” he asked, trying to bide himself some time.

“Yeah, but they’re not helpful. They just get all embarrassing, saying stuff like ‘oh my boy is growing up’, then start talking about when I was potty trained.”

“And what about the pirate? Or Charming? They might be better to talk to about this sort of issue. The only thing I can really teach you is what not to do.”

“They’re useless too,” Henry shook his head. “Hook told me some pick-up lines to use and I don’t know how he gets away with them to be honest. They wouldn’t work if I said them. I thought you’d be a good person to ask, because you could just tell me the facts without judging me or being awkward about it.”

 _Without being awkward about it._ Right. Where was Belle?

“I see,” said Rumple. “Well, tell me what you want to know and I’ll try and be as honest as I can.” Another silence.

“Well, how do I tell her that I want to kiss her? How did you have your first kiss?”

Rumple thought back. He’d been a lot older than Henry, truthfully. A full-grown man, with a much more experienced Milah. She had leant in and he hadn’t a clue what he was doing, his palms sweating and his heart palpitating. He’d tried to blag his way through it, until Milah realised he was clueless and decided to teach him step by step. _“You don’t have to use your tongue so much, you’re getting saliva everywhere,”_ she’d advised him. He cringed at the memory.

“Sometimes you can’t plan these things, Henry. It just happens in the mood.”

“But _how_ do I make that mood happen?” he looked at him pleadingly, seeking some kind of wise answer from his elder.

“Uh…” stuttered Rumple, racking his brains for something useful. “Flattering lighting and physical proximity.” _That sounded stupid_. Henry tilted his head, looking thoughtful. _Probably wondering what’s wrong with his grandpa,_ Rumple thought.

_Where was Belle?_

“So… maybe take her out somewhere at sunset… and try holding her hand again? See if it goes anywhere?” suggested Henry. At least he was managing to make sense of Rumple’s scattered thoughts.

“That sounds like a good start, yes.”

“And… how do you…” he looked down and mumbled something at his shoes.

“What was that?” asked Rumple.

“How do you kiss someone? What are you meant to do?” The poor boy looked mortified, but not as mortified as Rumple felt inside.

“Well, Henry,” he said, slowly, trying to bide himself some time to prepare what to say. “That sort of thing, it just comes naturally. When it happens, you’ll find your lips just work. If in doubt, keep it simple and copy what the other person is doing. And hold back on the tongue,” he added, as an afterthought. Henry nodded.

Henry wandered off to one of the cabinets, leaving Rumple to muse on a few things. If his grandson was worried about kissing, who knew what else he didn’t know. What about things a little further down the line? Perhaps he _was_ the best person to talk to about this stuff – Henry’s two mothers might not be able to provide the answers a teenage boy needed, and god forbid Hook teach him anything about sex. He didn’t want to be a great grandpa any time soon.

“Henry… why don’t you sit down,” he said, softly. Henry looked confused, but obeyed, walking into the back room with Rumple and taking a seat next to him on the cot. “Henry, I… you’ve probably noticed your body going through certain changes as you’re getting older. You might even notice other girls’ bodies a little more. You might find yourself faced with urges, which are expressed in the form of an erection.”

Henry covered his eyes with his hands. “Grandpa, _stop_. I just wanted advice on how to kiss Violet,” he said, cringing.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s just a sign that you’re turning into a man,” interrupted Rumple, quickly. His confidence seemed to be growing now with the power shift. “Now, an erection is when there is an increased blood flow to your penis.”

“I know. You don’t have to teach me this.”

“Sometimes it’ll occur when you see a girl you like,” continued Rumple, ignoring his grandson’s attempts to stop him. “But sometimes you’ll get spontaneous erections, which will occur for no apparent reason, particularly in the morning. It’s just a sign that your body is working naturally. It can be embarrassing but just try and ignore it and eventually it’ll go away.”

Henry had just pulled his jumper up so that his face was buried on the inside of it when Belle burst into the room, panting.

“What’s happened? I came as fast as I could,” she said, looking around for any potential dangers. _Thank god_ , Rumple thought. This was about to get a whole lot easier now that Belle was here.

“Grandpa is trying to give me the puberty talk,” a muffled voice explained, from underneath his jumper. She looked at Rumple, who shrugged, and a wave of realisation passed Belle’s face as she understood immediately.

“Ohh, I see,” she replied, pulling up a seat to sit next to the cot with them. “Well, Henry, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s just a sign that you’re turning into a man.” Henry groaned.

“You might hear certain myths,” continued Rumple. “Particularly around masturbation. Of course, none of them are true: you won’t turn green and you won’t get furry hands. Touching yourself is completely natural and even healthy.”

“It’s also important in discovering what you like, and what you’d like to explore,” added Belle, helpfully.

“You really don’t have to tell me this,” interrupted Henry, once again trying to put a halt to the conversation. “Mom bought me a book to explain everything.”

Rumple dismissed this immediately. “Books don’t answer everything. Now, sometimes you’ll wake up and find that you’ve had a certain dream in the night, and will find the consequence of that on your bed sheets. Don’t feel like you should be embarrassed by it. However, I know what it’s like being a teenage boy and you won’t want your mother’s noticing, so here’s a potion that’ll take stains right out,” he poofed a potion out of nowhere and handed it to Henry. “You’ll thank me for that later. I used to wash my bed sheets in the lake behind our hovel to hide it from my aunts, but they’d never dry on time so I always had a damp bed. Now, I take it you know the mechanics of sex? What goes where?” There was a meek nod behind the cotton covering Henry’s face. “Well, people not only have sex in order to procreate, but more often than not because it feels good.”

“Grandpa!” he shouted, popping his head out of his jumper and shooting his grandfather a look of dismay.

“No, Henry, he’s right,” agreed Belle. “Sex can be a really special thing between two people who care about each other very much.” Henry cringed once more at the way she was looking at his grandpa at this. “It can mean different things to different people but one important thing to remember is that it can be a very emotional experience, especially the first time. Even if you’re the dark one.” She gave Rumple a teasing smile and a wink. Henry looked like he was going to be sick. “So, it’s something that you should treat delicately, at least until you get used to it with someone.”

“Indeed, and another thing to bear in mind is that whilst everything will feel good to you, you need to pay attention to how your partner is feeling too, because sex might be uncomfortable for them to begin with,” advised Rumple.

“Uncomfortable?”

“Yes, that’s why you need to take your time getting to know each other’s bodies. The more time you spend easing them into it, the better it’ll be for the both of you. Remember, sex is about two people, not one. I expect you’re wondering what areas of the body are the most sensitive-”

“I’m really not.”

“-and here is a diagram of said areas,” Rumple continued as he poofed Henry a picture. “You can keep that.”

“Consent is another important issue,” said Belle, suddenly, as the idea struck her. “Before you even think about having sex with somebody, you need to make sure that they’re comfortable with entering that stage in your relationship. It’s completely okay for either of you to not want to do anything and it’s important that you respect that, but I have no doubt that you will.”

“Don’t do it just because your friends are,” interjected Rumple. “And when you do get to that stage of your relationship, you need to make sure you’re using protection. There are many different forms, so there’s no excuse to not use any. Safe sex prevents unwanted pregnancies from occurring, as well as protecting you from catching or passing on any sexually transmitted diseases.”

“Sexually transmitted diseases?” Henry went pale.

“Aye, all you need to do is wear a condom, which is a thin bit of latex you can put over your penis to prevent your sperm from spilling inside your partner.”

There was a silence. Henry remained still, pretending that he didn’t exist. Rumple and Belle looked at each other, trying to think of other important things that should be mentioned. Rumple imagined that Henry had seen a few magazines or websites by this point, and whilst he hadn’t had access to those sources as a boy, he imagined that it could fill a young boys head with certain unrealistic notions.

“Not all girls like anal,” blurted Rumple, as soon as it came into his head. Belle nodded. That was enough for poor Henry, who suddenly got to his feet as if he’d been electrocuted.

“I’ve just remembered I have to run some errands for mom,” he said, grabbing his coat and rushing out of the room as fast as his legs could take him.

“Don’t forget your diagram!” called Rumple, but he heard the door slam and had a feeling that he wouldn’t be seeing his grandson for a few days. He turned to Belle. “That talk is a necessary evil,” he smirked.

“You loved it,” she teased. “You perked up more and more each time he shuddered. And there was me thinking that your sadistic streak had gone quiet.” Rumple chuckled.

“I’m just wondering what we’re going to say to Regina and Emma when they demand to know what I’ve done to traumatise their son,” he replied, a gleam in his eye.

 


End file.
